


The reasons why

by apocrypha73



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e21-22 Zero Hour, Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 22:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11300145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocrypha73/pseuds/apocrypha73
Summary: Zeb wants to know what made Kallus decide to become Fulcrum





	The reasons why

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in English and also my first time with this pairing, so I'm basically terrified right now.

 

 

 

Nights on Yavin IV were unbearably hot sometimes.

The air of the jungle was extremely humid, and there wasn’t any lake or sea near the base to help cool the breeze. That is to say, when there was any breeze _at all_. Most nights, the temperature barely dropped a few degrees lower than that of the day, a fact that made sleeping an impossible task. Especially for someone whose whole body was covered in fur, like Zeb.

After an hour or so of turning around in his bed, Zeb resigned himself to another long night and left his bedroom. It wasn’t the first time he decided to spend the night outside, where he’d be able to breathe at least, or even catch some sleep in the early hours of the morning, before the sun went up. He had his favorite place for that, a quiet spot near the border of the jungle where the grass was comfortable to lay on and the lights from the guard’s tower didn’t bother him.

It also wasn’t the first time he found someone else already there, sitting on the ground, when he arrived.

Kallus wasn’t dealing very well with the heat either. The man had spent too many standard years in the artificially controlled atmosphere of a Star Destroyer, so the weather in Yavin was hard on him. Zeb took a better look at him as he came closer and saw trails of sweat trickling down his neck and temples, even though he was only wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt and cargo pants.

“Can’t sleep?”

Kallus turned his head to look at Zeb, greeting him with a small smile.

“I had a feeling you’d show up,” he said.

“Yeah, tonight’s bad even for this cursed place’s standards.”

“Tell me about it.”

Zeb sat on the ground next to Kallus, folding his legs under himself. A soft hint of a breeze blew past them and he raised his face to catch it. He saw Kallus had done exactly the same thing, like a reflex, and they both smiled.

This had become a habit somehow. The first time they bumped into each other outside at night was entirely by chance, but after that they both kept going to the same place, like by some sort of unspoken agreement. They could’ve easily avoided each other if they’d wanted, the base was huge after all. But they didn’t, and Zeb would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t enjoy hanging out with Kallus. Actually, he enjoyed it a lot. Sometimes they talked for hours, sometimes they just watched the stars in silence, keeping each other company. It was… nice, in a way Zeb didn’t want to think too hard about.

Perhaps it was fitting in a strange way, since everything had started with the two of them having to work together to survive the cold, back on the geonosian moon. It made sense that they’d have to survive the heat together too.

“Well, that’s the rebellion for you. All comfort and luxury,” Zeb said sarcastically. “Bet you’re already regretting having turned coat, ain’t ya?”

Kallus laughed softly. “Is that why you guys chose this base?”, he joked. “To make the evil imperial pay for his sins? Or perhaps to test my resolve?”

Zeb answered with a laugh of his own. “Well, we needed to make sure you had a good reason to join us besides all the wonderful perks we offer.”

He laid down on the ground, stretching his legs and resting the back of his head on his joined hands.  The grass felt damp and cool against his back, and he sighed with relief.

“Now that you mention it, you’ve never told me why you did it.”

Kallus looked down at him, frowning.

“Why I did what?”, he asked.

“Leave the Empire,” said Zeb, his eyes fixed on the sky and not his companion’s face. “Become Fulcrum.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Zeb saw Kallus’ frown deepen in confusion, yet he still refused to look at him directly. Maybe, just maybe, the answer to that question mattered too much to him.

“What are you talking about, you know perfectly well why I did it.”

“No, I don’t,” Zeb replied, and this time he did turn his gaze to Kallus. “C’mon, man, I know you were a true believer. Don’t tell me you changed your mind just because it turned out we didn’t totally hate each other after all. There _had_ to be something else.”

Kallus’ face fell for a moment. He quickly tried to cover it up, but Zeb had already seen it.

“Why, you don’t believe the allure of your fascinating personality was enough to bring me here?” he joked half-heartedly. Zeb gave him a look.

“Okay, you’re right,” he finally gave in, “there _was_ something. I haven’t told you about it because I’m too ashamed to admit it out loud, honestly. And, well… also because I know that story will upset you. I mean, it still upsets _me_ , and I’m not even half as close to the matter as you are.”

It was Zeb’s turn to frown this time.

“Karabast, it sounds serious. Am I going to regret having asked?” he said, sitting up again and crossing his legs. Kallus bent his head down slightly and his hair fell over his face, partially hiding his features.

“Well, we can still forget about it and never bring it up again, you know” Kallus tried to joke again, and again he failed miserably.

“Ha, ha. Very funny. C’mon, spill it.”

The ex agent sighed and briefly lifted his eyes to Zeb. Then he turned towards the jungle ahead of him and started talking, in a smaller voice than Zeb had ever heard from him.

“Our time on Bahryn made me realize everything I used to believe about you was wrong,” he began. “And after my return, I wondered if maybe I was wrong about other things too. I couldn’t get the idea out of my head, so I… Well, I guess you could say I took your advice. I started asking questions.”

“Good for you.”

Kallus scoffed. “Yeah, if only I had done it much earlier…”

“Hey. There’s no changing the past, man, only the future. You know that. It’s no good beating yourself up about it, so just go on with the story, ok?”

Kallus sighed again, with an air of defeat, but he complied. “My first enquiry was for information on the siege of Lasan.”

Zeb felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn’t help it: no matter how many times he told himself he was over it, any mention of his home planet was enough to make his mouth dry and his pulse quicken. Kallus was looking at him sideways, like he was trying to measure his reaction, so Zeb did his best to compose himself.

“I guess I wanted to prove you wrong,” the ex imperial continued. “I was desperate to reassure myself that I was justified in what I did. That the death of all those people, while regrettable, was just a consequence of war. But what I found was… not what I had expected.”

He had to stop and take a few breaths. Zeb didn’t even dare to move, in case he startled the obviously troubled man. Finally, after a few seconds of silence, he started talking again.

“I reviewed every report we had in the imperial databases, but they didn’t tell me anything new. I had heard it all when I was debriefed before the mission: there had been an uprising, and it couldn’t be allowed to go on for too long, least other planets might start getting ideas. In order to protect the peace the Empire had created in that sector, the insurgence had to be completely crushed, not simply defeated. It had to serve to discourage others from doing the same. They told me the lasat were a warrior people and they were not to be underestimated. That’s why… why I was advised to use the ion disruptors.”

His voice broke in that sentence. Zeb saw his throat work as he swallowed.

“I wasn’t satisfied with that,” Kallus continued, “so I went to the holonet to search for recent news about Lasan. I hoped I’d find evidence that, once the rebellion was quashed, the planet had entered an era of peace and prosperity under the Empire’s rule. And it had, in a certain kind of way, but… not a good one.”

“Whaddya mean?” Zeb asked.

Kallus looked at him sheepishly. “The first result of my search was a commercial about a luxury vacation resort,” he said, and Zeb’s eyebrows went up like they were trying to leave his face.

“You gotta be kidding me.”

“I wish,” Kallus replied. “I could barely believe it either, but there it was: hotels, restaurants, casinos, you name it. They had turned Lasan into a place for the very wealthy to spend their holidays. And of course, the complex was owned by the family of Korlen Margos, the governor of Lasan at the time of the insurgence.”

“You mean the man who crushed my people under his boot until we had no other option but to fight back?” said Zeb, almost shaking with rage. His fists were so tightly closed he felt his claws dig into his palms, and he forced himself to relax them. Kallus sent him an apologetic look and nodded.

“He provoked the uprising on purpose, didn’t he? I suspected as much, I just couldn’t find any solid proof,” he said. “But everything lined up too perfectly to be a coincidence. Lasan has beautiful landscapes, kind weather, exquisite native fruits... He must have seen the potential for business inmediately. The only problem were the people who lived on that planet, who were probably quite attached to their land and would’ve been opposed to the idea of letting him have it. I… I guess he also considered them too alien for the kind of customers he wanted to attract, I’m not sure, but it wouldn’t surprise me.”

Zeb huffed in response, but didn’t say anything, so Kallus continued. “How convenient that the uprising happened, giving him a reason to have the Empire answer in full force. With the population almost completely wiped out and the few survivors chased out of their home world, he had free way to do as he pleased with the land. Who would ever believe that was a coincidence?”

They exchanged a long look. Zeb wouldn’t go as far as to say he felt sorry for the man, but there was such shame in his eyes it momentarily distracted him from his own rage.

 “So there you have it,” Kallus said sadly. “The siege of Lasan was never about peace and order, it was about money. I let myself believe that I did what I did to protect the galaxy from chaos, but in fact I was sent there to help a rich man become even richer. And I fell for it like an idiot, because I was too arrogant to question myself or my superiors. Because of my stupid blind faith.”

Zeb was silent for a long moment. The thought of his beloved home turned into an expensive playground for the most privileged of the galaxy was piercing a hole in his heart. He told himself the real home of his people was Lira San and the Empire couldn’t reach them there, but it didn’t do much to ease his pain. No wonder Kallus had been so hesitant to tell him. He was right, it had hit him hard. Really hard.

He felt Kallus’s hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, and he lifted his eyes to find the man watching him with a sympathetic look that made his stomach drop.

“So,” Zeb said, running a hand over the back of his head to cover up his sudden uneasiness. “Was that when you decided to start working for us?”

“Not inmediately,” Kallus replied, taking his hand off Zeb’s shoulder. “I went to Admiral Konstantine first. I thought I could expose Margos’ corruption. It wouldn’t compensate for what I’d done, but I felt I owed it to you to at least try to bring that man to justice. But when I told the admiral what I had discovered, he acted like he already knew.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Zeb said sarcastically.

Kallus gave him a sad smile.

“In hindsight, it seems pretty obvious,” he said. “But back then, I still refused to see the truth. Konstantine just shrugged the whole thing off when I told him, like it wasn’t important. I got angry, and started a very passionate speech on how the Empire was about keeping the galaxy safe, not about personal gain, and he said _‘Why can’t it be both?’_ Then he suggested I should drop the issue before it reached Margos’ ears, because apparently the man had friends in Palpatine’s inner circle. That was when it finally hit me. I used to believe the Empire was ruled by men like Colonel Yularen, and those like Konstantine or Margos were the exception. But in reality, it’s the other way around, and I couln’t ignore it any longer.”

“I guess it can’t have been easy,” Zeb said softly. He stretched his legs and rested his weight on his hands, watching the look of concentration in Kallus’ face. The former agent seemed to be lost in his memories, a deep frown between his eyebrows.

Damn, but he was handsome.

And that was the most inappropriate thought Zeb could be having in a moment like that.

“It wasn’t,” Kallus admitted. “Suddenly I had to face the fact that everything I had learned to believe was a lie, that the ideals by which I had lived for decades were nothing but propaganda. It had never been about peace, order and making the galaxy a better place. Only about power.”

He looked at Zeb like he was expecting some kind of jab from him, something along the lines of _‘I could have told you that from the beginning’_ or at least an _‘I told you so’_. But gloating was the last thing on the lasat’s mind. Kallus may have been a real pain in the ass before he turned, but Zeb knew what honor meant to him even then, and he understood the crushing disappointment he must have felt. He kept a respectful silence and waited for the man to continue.

“But that… wasn’t even the last straw,” Kallus said with difficulty. “You see, I was in shock. My whole life was crumbling before my eyes as I realized the true horror of the crimes I had comitted. I yelled, _‘He had me exterminate an entire race just so he could make more money!’_ And then Konstantine… He looked right at me, with this sort of smug smile on his face, and he said _‘Why do you care so much? They were just lasat. They weren’t even people’._ ”

A heavy silence fell over them as Zeb’s rage returned in full force, leaving him stunned and speechless for a moment. He got up all of a sudden and walked away a few steps, coming to a stop by the line of trees where the jungle began. His heart was racing, his hands closed in tight fists by his sides. He wanted to scream, but his throat refused to work. All he could do was breathe in quick, shallow gasps, while his mind replayed images of that dreadful day. The city destroyed, the people dead on the streets, the screams and the terrible smell…  And that vile little man had thought he could dismiss all those lost lives like they were insignificant? Just because they were not human? Konstantine was lucky he had died in the battle of Atollon and Zeb would never get a chance to lay his hands on him.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kallus lower his head, hiding his face, and a couple of seconds later he heard the man’s voice again.

“I was horrified,” he said weakly. “I felt sick, literally. I had to excuse myself to the nearest ‘fresher to vomit. I was disgusted with Konstantine, with the Empire, but more than anything I was disgusted with myself. That’s when I decided I had to do something, if only to prove myself I’m not like that. I’m aware I can’t be forgiven for what I did, but I must try to balance out some of it. Even if it’s the only thing I do for the rest of my life.”

Zeb heard movement behind him as Kallus got on his feet and walked to his side. He felt the man’s hand on his shoulder again, warm and strong, but it didn’t make him stop trembling.

“Zeb, I’m so sorry,” Kallus said, voice shaking. “I should’ve punched him for what he said. I should have wiped that awful smirk out of his face, make him swallow his words along with his teeth, I wish…”

But Zeb didn’t let him finish. He turned and hugged Kallus fiercely, almost crushing him against his chest. The ex agent returned the embrace with the same desperation, burying his face in the lasat’s shoulder and holding on to him like he wasn’t just offering comfort, but needing it too.

It only took a slight turn of their heads for their lips to meet, and then everything was fire. They kissed furiously, pouring all their pain on it, all their frustration. Zeb shoved Kallus against a tree and devoured him like he was starving, biting and licking and trying to taste everything at once. Kallus pressed himself against Zeb’s body and pushed his tongue into the lasat’s mouth, a strangled moan coming from the back of his throat.

When they finally came up for air, they both were panting. Kallus was flushed, his lips red and shiny, his hair disheveled, and he was the most enticing thing Zeb had seen in his whole life.

“Please tell me you’re not doing this ‘cause you think you owe me something or some shit like that,” Zeb said, breathing heavily.

“What? No!” Kallus replied, just as breathless. “I have wanted this for a long time, Zeb. A very long, unbearably lonely, frustrating time. But what about you? Please tell me you’re not doing this only because you’re hurt and angry and need an outlet for it.”

“Hell no. I mean, I _am_ angry, but this has nothing to do with it. Being angry with the Empire is kinda my default state at this point, pal, if I let it control my life choices I’d be screwed.”

Kallus let out a soft laugh, looking at him with an awed expression. Slowly, he raised his hand to the side of Zeb’s face to caress his cheek.

“You’re amazing,” he whispered. “I don’t know if I’d be able to keep such an open heart after everything you’ve been through. I certainly wouldn’t have any kindness left for someone like me, let alone friendship or… whatever this is. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, Garazeb Orrelios.”

“Hey, stop that, would you?” Zeb replied sheepishly. “Kindness is the last thing that admiral of yours would get from me, man, I’m no jedi. But you’re different. Okay, you used to be an asshole, I’ll give you that, but you’ve changed. I know how hard you’re working to be better, I see it every day. And even when you _were_ an asshole, you never thought of lasats as less than people, did you?”

“Of course not!”

“Well, there you have it,” said Zeb. He lowered his head to softly touch his forehead to Kallus’ and closed his eyes with a small sigh. “The thing is, you make me happy. I don’t know why, I don’t know if it’s wrong of me to feel that way, but you do. And there aren’t many things that make me happy these days, so I tend not to question them, you know?”

“Zeb,” Kallus gasped in a reverent tone, and he pressed his lips against the lasat’s once more. The kiss was slow and deep this time, their arms tight around each other and their bodies as close together as it was physically possible. It felt amazing.

Heat pooled in Zeb’s belly as the kiss became more frantic again, their breath quickening. He felt Kallus’ hands slide down his back to cup his butt and let out a soft moan into the man’s mouth. He gently lowered them both to the ground, laying on top of Kallus without breaking the kiss. Zeb aligned their hips, rocking against him tentatively, and Kallus whimpered.

There was no hesitation anymore, no holding back. Hands struggled to get their clothes out of the way, not even stopping to remove them completely, and the feel of flesh on flesh made Zeb groan. He tried to slow down his movements, to make it last a little longer, but he knew it was a lost cause even before Kallus reached a hand down to hold them both together. Zeb came with a roar, holding on to his lover’s torso and burying his face in his neck. He felt Kallus do the same a few moments later, felt the tremors running through his body and heard his muffled scream, and it was just perfect.

He had never been so happy in his entire life.

He was also exhausted, but he didn’t want to rest all his weight on Kallus, so he maneuvered them until they were laying on their sides, face to face, arms and legs still tangled in each other.

“You okay?” he asked. Not that he expected Kallus to regret what they’d just done, but it never hurt to be sure.

The former imperial gave him a satisfied smile. “Better than ever,” he replied. “And you?”

“I feel great, man.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Kallus said, and kissed Zeb softly. “You know what? I think I might even get some sleep tonight, after all,” he added, snuggling against the lasat with a contented sigh.

“Yeah, me too. It’s nice out here.”

“Very nice.”

“Really? I thought you hated this place, with the heat and the humidity and the bugs…”

Kallus opened his eyes and raised his head from where he had it pillowed on Zeb’s bicep.

“Actually,” he said, “I think it’s growing on me.”

Zeb laughed and pulled his head down for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Governor Margos is not a canon character, I invented him for the purpose of this story.  
> Feel free to point out any mistakes you've found, I'm sure I could use it. Thanks for reading!


End file.
